The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 4

The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 4

click photo for more information
The Best ‘Bachelor’ Recap You’ll Ever Read: Week 4
I really wanted last nights episode of to be the one where Corinne like, finally explodes but it didnt happen so Im really sad right now. While she did do her normal shtick of sitting out of normal yet mandatory Bachelor group events like shoveling poopie, talking about her nannyRaquel, and threatening to beat the […]

I really wanted last nights episode of to be the one where Corinne like, finally explodes but it didnt happen so Im really sad right now. While she did do her normal shtick of sitting out of normal yet mandatory Bachelor group events like shoveling poopie, talking about her nannyRaquel, and threatening to beat the shit out of the mental health counselor Taylor, she actually kept her composure when the group of girls were confronting her which was really surprising. You know what wasnt surprising? Nick coincidentally bumping into his ex on the street. Like COME ON, producers. As Corinne would say, Im not an idiot, stop treating me like an idiot!!

Rose Ceremony From Last Week

As Vanessa confronts Nick about the Bouncy Castle Incident she asks him really smart, justified questions to which Nick responds: …like idk

Corinne: Im not privileged in any shape or form. Like, Raquel makes me throw out the waxing strips after shes done giving me a Brazilian. You call that privileged?

Corinne thinks the rose ceremony is just like high school physics class where you get 20 unexcused absences.

Serious question: Whats the difference between Whitney and Astrid? Theyre the same face. I feel like Im taking crazy pills!

Sarah: I dont know how the bounce house situation unfolded but I dont think it was the best. – Way to be a diplomat Sarah.

Corinnes response: Why are Taylor and Sarah so obsessed with me?

Theres a colonial woman in the Bachelor houseno wait, it’s Raven.

Why are they all freaking out that he gave the rose to Corinne. They all said itshe straddled him in the bouncy castle!!!

Christen leaves literally speechless like shes at mafia funeral. Nods her head at Nick and walks out.

Then Chris Harrison walks in to tell them the good news:

Pack your bags girls, youre going to be traveling the world youre going to be starting your journey to (theyre all thinking omg where are we going, Italy? Bali?!) WISCONSIN!

You know youre getting cabin fever when youre jumping up and down at the thought of going to fucking Milwaukee.

Date With Danielle L

Nick’s mom is Jamie Lee Curtis in after the switch

Nick: This is where I first got dumped, unfortunately that one wasn’t televised like my last 3 have been.

I used to hang out at the library but not to read books, to make out with girls. – OKAY Nick.

I used to hook up with girls on that football field right there! ummm, this is getting sad.

Nick talks about his exes wayyyyyy too much. Perhaps as if they never existed.

But oh wait, theres one. Magically sitting in that window. And look, shes already miced so they can have this spontaneous sit-down!

That convo with Amber the Ex was super boring. She probably wasnt even one of his exes; she was def a production assistant who was down for some screen timebut like, a PA who clearly doesnt pay attention to the show because she said that Nicks problem was that he cant give all of himself to a relationship. Thats literally the opposite of his problem, AMBER. Cough Andi cough Kaitlyn cough literally anyone else hes mentioned on the Nick Dumping Tour of Milwaukee.

And if Amber was really his ex I think we all just wanted to hear some embarrassing stories like, this one time you guys were on a date and Nick accidentally sharted and had to go home.

Side note: Nick being on is the greatest thing to happen to Milwaukee since they set the movie here. And even then they knew it was shitty.

Danielle L. def lives for a low plunging dress. On part 2 of their date Nick asks her the hard hitting relationship questions like this one: When was the last time you went grocery shopping in sweatpants?

Correct answer: All the time.

Wine & Sweatpants: the only one-on-one I need. Get your Bachelor T-shirt here!

Extra yet super important side note:

Omg do you know who Danielle looks just likeTAYLOR TOWNSEND FROM

Group Farm Chore Date

Were in Wisconsin and I couldnt be happier, Danielle M says and she couldnt look less happy.

Cows are okay Corinne

I dont really understand this date becasue Nick would never do this. Like, have you seen his low cut V-necks? You cant be a farmer in those clothes.

Corinne: I dont wanna do chores, let alone do farm chores. I wouldnt even let Raquel do farm chores. She’s above farm chores. She works for me.

I LOVE how she calls them chores because thats what adults tell children responsibilities are.

I totally feel Corinne, I would not be into this. Anyone who would be into this would be lying or better suited for Chris Soules. Theyre like, in their nice boots stepping in cow shit.

At least I hope the date card said: Wear your shitty boots. We suggest Michael Kors.

TBH the girls only talk about Corinne because they probably have nothing else to say to Nick.

Nick cant milk the cows so Jamies like “Im bisexual I can do it.”

Dude I need sushi Corinne, and all of us.

Later in the date, Nick sits down with Vanessa. She puts his legs on her, as she does, and hands him a book her students and coworkers made for her. WAIT, what? They made him a book before Vanessa knew him? As in, she asked them to make her a book of pictures of Vanessa in bikinis to give to a dude she hasnt met yet. Fucking school teachers and their assignments.

This is the book she gave him:

I didnt mean to offend anyone by taking that nap SOML, CORINNE. I need to get a needle point of that on a pillow.

“Michael Jordan took naps, Abe Lincoln took naps, Corinne takes naps. You know that episode of when they all go inside Chuckie, well, Id really like to do that but with Corinnes brain.

Kristina: I had a really hard childhood, can I tell you about it?
Nick: Maybe another time.

I dont really understand why everyones like “Corinne I dont think youre mature enough for marriage; you have to be there for him.” Can everyone like take a fucking chill pill. If hes going to pick her hes going to pick her, thats it. Whether or not you think shes mature or not has nothing to do with it. Maybe shell be the perfect Insta Wife for him. Who knows, SARAH, TAYLOR, AND KRISTINA. WHO KNOWS!?

On that same note:

Corinne: Nick and I didnt kiss when we talked. It was all more of like an adult convo.

Date With Raven

The date card said: Raven lets kick it. That screams Netflix and Chill tbh.

Nick: “Im really proud of the ladies in my life: my 12-year-old sister, and this girl I met 3 weeks ago”

It was really uncomfortable to watch Raven speak to Nicks parents because she like, wouldnt make eye contact with them. She would just look straight and speak to them from the side. Like a fucking Raven.

WHY IS NICK WEARING SUCH A LOW-CUT SHIRT ON THIS DATE WITH HIS SISTER?

Raven: This date was great because I could see how fucking terrible at soccer Nick was.

The point of this date was that Nick just wanted Bella to be the coolest teen at high school, obviously.

While theyre roller skating, some kid falls, Nick rides around him and screams SUCKAHHHH.

The date with Raven was like, sort of cute. Im probably feeling that because of editing with the wise choice of music from but whatevs, Ill admit it was cute.

Second Half Of Their Date:

Wait wait wait WAITshe beat the shit out of her ex boyfriend and his mistress WHILE they were naked, with her stiletto? Like, did he have to go to the hospital?

First of all, that story was a tad graphic. He was on top of her. Thrusting her. Did she tell this version to her parents?

Second of all. Broke the door down. Threw her off of him. Beat him in the head with a stiletto. I mean.

If hes turned on by it, theyre right for each other.

But with hicks.

Nick: The more I learn about Raven I realize shes this very interesting, sassy, borderline serial killing woman that I love.

Okay like, whats with all the roller skates? Where did they come from, why are they roller skating AGAIN in the museum, didnt they have enough roller skating from all of the roller skating this entire afternoon? So many questions.

Rose Ceremony

I honestly hope this Corinne vs. Taylor thing pops off. I need more drama!!!

I also love how Josephine was totally manipulating Corinne to go say something to her.

Josephine: I totally agree with you. Taylor’s a bitch. I think someone should say something.
Corinne: Im gonna ::puts mini crescent dog in her mouth:: do it
Josephine: chew your food.

The fact that Taylor is trying to therapize Corinne just shows shes not a very good mental health counselor. Corinne never asked for therapy. Also, you cant tell someone with low emotional intelligence that they have low emotional intelligence, because how are they supposed to realize how unself-aware they are if theyre not self-aware to begin with, Taylor?

On that same note:
“Taylor seems to still have a problem with me, so tonight I’m gonna punch her in the face” – things people who are ready to get married say.

Alexis is like your cool camp counselor that let you sneak over to the boys bunk

Alexis: My two biggest fears are aliens and Nicholas Cage same Alexis, same.

Read more: http://www.betches.com/bachelor-nick-week-4-recap

7 Cool Puzzles That Will Make Your Cat Work For His Food

click photo for more information
7 Cool Puzzles That Will Make Your Cat Work For His Food
Many pet cats are kept indoors for a variety of reasons in conditions that are perhaps the least natural to them. Indoor housing has been associated with health issues, such as chronic lower urinary tract signs, and development of problem behaviors, which can cause weakening of the humananimal bond and lead to euthanasia of the […]

So? Immigration officials say they’ll deport illegal who killed Kate Steinle

click photo for more information
So? Immigration officials say they’ll deport illegal who killed Kate Steinle
Jose Ines Garcia Zarate, the man found not guilty of murdering Kate Steinle, had been in a San Francisco jail before her killing but was released despite a federal request that he be held for his sixth deportation. That’s right — his sixth deportation. But now that he’s been found guilty of possessing a firearm […]

Would You Let Trump Run Your Company?

click photo for more information
Would You Let Trump Run Your Company?
In Washington, people struggling to come to terms with figures from the corporate world, luring Rex Tillerson from Exxon Mobil Corp. to run the State Department and a string of Wall Streeters. The stock market initially boomed. Trump’s message to business has been simple: Finally you have an executive in charge of the executive branch. […]

Smoking In Cars With Children Is Illegal Starting October 1, 2016

click photo for more information
Smoking In Cars With Children Is Illegal Starting October 1, 2016
#1 No More Smoking In Cars With Children Theres a new law aimed at protecting children from secondhand smoke, and if you are caught, the fine is going to be up to $80. On October 1st, it will be illegal to smoke in cars that have kids in them. #2 Thousands Of Chemicals When a […]

WOW: Michael Moore’s excitement about Rachel Maddow’s big Trump scoop stopped on a dime

click photo for more information
WOW: Michael Moore’s excitement about Rachel Maddow’s big Trump scoop stopped on a dime
Michael Moore was pretty excited about Rachel Maddow’s teaser for her big scoop on Donald Trump’s taxes: Turn on Rachel @Maddow! MSNBC! — Michael Moore (@MMFlint) March 15, 2017 Until something didn’t quite go as he hoped, at which point… Clearly the source of the "leaked" return is Trump himself. 10-20 missing pages w/ key […]

Amanda Seyfried Is Pregnant With Her First Child!

click photo for more information
Amanda Seyfried Is Pregnant With Her First Child!
Amanda Seyfried is going to be a mommy! On Tuesday, the Mean Girls actress attended the Givenchy press launch for their new Live Irrsistible fragrance where she announced she is expecting her first child with fianc Thomas Sadoski. Related:

Huntingtons breakthrough may stop disease

click photo for more information
Huntingtons breakthrough may stop disease
Some patients described it as Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and motor neurone disease rolled into one. Peter Allen, 51, is in the early stages of Huntington’s and took part in the trial: “You end up in almost a vegetative state, it’s a horrible end.” Huntington’s blights families. Peter has seen his mum Stephanie, uncle Keith and grandmother […]

Looking At Your Own Poop Could Actually Keep You From Getting Sick — Here’s Why

click photo for more information
Looking At Your Own Poop Could Actually Keep You From Getting Sick — Here’s Why
little kids. Even if you don’t talk about poop as openly as some people do, it’s important to know what your waste is telling you about your health and wellness. Thankfully, there’s a useful infographic to help us if we ever have any questions or concerns about our poop. Check it out below! One of […]

Carrie Fisher had one simple and hilarious request for her obituary

click photo for more information
Carrie Fisher had one simple and hilarious request for her obituary
Image: Jonathan Short/Invision/AP Carrie Fisher will forever dazzle the world with her wit and humor, even in her obituary. Fisher died on Tuesday at the age of 60 after suffering a heart attack during a flight from London to Los Angeles last Friday. The news is heartbreaking, and many remembered Fisher for inspiring both young […]

‘I’ve been through worse’: War-hero McCain tells Senate pal he’ll be back

click photo for more information
‘I’ve been through worse’: War-hero McCain tells Senate pal he’ll be back
Sen. John McCain, who has been diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor, told Sen. Lindsey Graham over the phone Wednesday that hes been through worse, and then went on to discuss health care and other policy issues. McCain, R-Ariz., talked about the long road ahead regarding treatments, but said that he has been through wars. […]

This Interactive Map Sums Up The Damage Caused By The Anti-Vaccination Movement

click photo for more information
This Interactive Map Sums Up The Damage Caused By The Anti-Vaccination Movement
Vaccinations are one of the of most incredible aspects of modern medicine. They can make previously lethal diseases disappear from society and save countless lives. There is, however, a chance that the vaccines work a little too well and our collective memory is too short to remember the devastating effects some of these diseases caused […]

Veteran Jumps to His Death at V.A. Hospital

click photo for more information
Veteran Jumps to His Death at V.A. Hospital
A former employee and patient killed himself at a facility with a long history of inadequate care. PHILADELPHIA  A military veteran seeking psychiatric treatment walked out of a waiting room at the Veteran Affairs medical center in Philadelphia and jumped to his death from its parking garage Thursday morning. Gary Dorman of Mount Vernon, Pennsylvania, […]

6-Year-Old With Rare Bone Disorder Dances With The Rockettes

click photo for more information
6-Year-Old With Rare Bone Disorder Dances With The Rockettes
Few people could tear all the eyes in the room away from the stunning Rockettes while they’re performing; six-year-old Audrey Nethery is definitely one of those people. The young girl was first noticed by the public when her mother uploaded a video to Facebook of the youngster enjoying one of her favorite pastimes: Zumba.  The […]

This Is How You Really Love Someone Through Depression

click photo for more information
This Is How You Really Love Someone Through Depression
The phrase ‘love yourself before someone can love you’, doesnt apply to people who have depression. Because more than anything they are learning how to love and accept themselves. But sometimes, it takes following someone elses lead to get there. What people fail to address is the concept of truly being loved by another person […]

People can’t get enough of this new organic, vegetarian fast food.

click photo for more information
People can’t get enough of this new organic, vegetarian fast food.
When you think about fast food, what comes to mind? If you’re like me, you probably start salivating as you imagine greasy burgers, gloriously deep-fried onion rings, and calorie-laden milkshakes. Yum. Basically, this. Image via Thinkstock. A new fast food restaurant in California is aiming to broaden that image by introducing a vegetarian option. Andy […]
load more posts